Even though my housing situation is claustrophobic due to the units being placed way too close together, the people here are ok and it is quiet after midnight. On some nights that I don't work I fall asleep a little after midnight. Other times I'm up till 5. Usually I go out around 3 for a smoke and to take a short walk. It occurred to me that if anyone saw me doing this they'd probably think me nuts. And I'd have to sing them this song:
The bipolar insomniac's a person in your neighborhood
In your neighborhood
She's in your neighborhood
The bipolar insomniac is a person in your neighborhood
She's a person that you meet
If you're walking down the street
At the time when vampires come out to play
Oh the insomniac is somebody who can't sleep
And you'd freak out about the hours that she keeps
You might wonder what that psycho's doing here
But I'm harmless so you don't need to fear
I don't grow more hair when the moon is full
I don't have fangs or any of that bull
I'm just trying to pass the night away
Because I'm used to sleeping in the middle of the day!
The Schwan's (food delivery guy) woke my ass up at 1:30 yesterday. Yes, as in 1:30 p.m. Which is his scheduled time to arrive and I'm usually ready for him. But I was in a deep sleep and he had to really pound on the door to wake me. Freaked the dogs out--I didn't think they'd ever shut up! What's worse is that when I went back to sleep I had really fucked up dreams for the next 3 hours. Dreams of driving along this road that runs a bit behind where I live and falling asleep while driving and when I wake up the road is a sheet of ice--and there's suddenly this huge hill on a road which is in reality very straight and flat. And I'm sliding on the ice out of control.
Actually something like this did happen last winter. Not the falling asleep while driving part. I hit black ice on a downhill slope on a fast moving road. I ended up flying across lanes of traffic coming towards me and fortunately ended up on a pull-off spot on the other side of the road. I sat there shaking for about 20 minutes. When I finally had the courage to drive again I went the majority of the way on the shoulder at 5 miles an hour. It took 2 hours to get home from a spot that would normally have taken less than a half hour. This storm hit hard and fast. And I prefer never to go through something like that again. It's obviously deeply embedded in my brain now and joins the "I'm coming down the steep highway from the mountains and my brakes aren't working" and the tornado following me stress dreams. Joy is mine.
I may go back to sleep for a while. Hopefully dreaming of pleasant things, not failed brakes or icy roads or stalker tornadoes.
On the plus side my quest to leave plus size behind (and decrease the size of my behind) may succeed this time. I've been eating a lot of salad, drinking v-8, cutting down on saturated fat, and I was able to eat ONE cupcake for dessert last night without binging (the urge was there but I didn't do it) and eating more sensibly in general. I may succeed this time because I no longer have the idiot idea of doing it to be skinny or attractive to anyone but myself. Skinny is too high maintenance, both physically and emotionally for me to maintain. Average is fine. Chunky is ok. Actually there's nothing wrong with being fat so long as it isn't life threatening. I think more than anything else it's just proof to myself that I can do it because I'm actually healthy enough. My thyroid gland doesn't like my weight loss attempt, however. I know this because now I have rough dry patches on my face which are a thyroid related symptom. Sweet.
Enough blah blah blah from me for now. I'm still reveling in the relief of being able to say what I want without wondering what sort of stupid or offensive comments I'll be receiving from Senor Sociopath.
The bipolar insomniac's a person in your neighborhood
In your neighborhood
She's in your neighborhood
The bipolar insomniac is a person in your neighborhood
She's a person that you meet
If you're walking down the street
At the time when vampires come out to play
Oh the insomniac is somebody who can't sleep
And you'd freak out about the hours that she keeps
You might wonder what that psycho's doing here
But I'm harmless so you don't need to fear
I don't grow more hair when the moon is full
I don't have fangs or any of that bull
I'm just trying to pass the night away
Because I'm used to sleeping in the middle of the day!
The Schwan's (food delivery guy) woke my ass up at 1:30 yesterday. Yes, as in 1:30 p.m. Which is his scheduled time to arrive and I'm usually ready for him. But I was in a deep sleep and he had to really pound on the door to wake me. Freaked the dogs out--I didn't think they'd ever shut up! What's worse is that when I went back to sleep I had really fucked up dreams for the next 3 hours. Dreams of driving along this road that runs a bit behind where I live and falling asleep while driving and when I wake up the road is a sheet of ice--and there's suddenly this huge hill on a road which is in reality very straight and flat. And I'm sliding on the ice out of control.
Actually something like this did happen last winter. Not the falling asleep while driving part. I hit black ice on a downhill slope on a fast moving road. I ended up flying across lanes of traffic coming towards me and fortunately ended up on a pull-off spot on the other side of the road. I sat there shaking for about 20 minutes. When I finally had the courage to drive again I went the majority of the way on the shoulder at 5 miles an hour. It took 2 hours to get home from a spot that would normally have taken less than a half hour. This storm hit hard and fast. And I prefer never to go through something like that again. It's obviously deeply embedded in my brain now and joins the "I'm coming down the steep highway from the mountains and my brakes aren't working" and the tornado following me stress dreams. Joy is mine.
I may go back to sleep for a while. Hopefully dreaming of pleasant things, not failed brakes or icy roads or stalker tornadoes.
On the plus side my quest to leave plus size behind (and decrease the size of my behind) may succeed this time. I've been eating a lot of salad, drinking v-8, cutting down on saturated fat, and I was able to eat ONE cupcake for dessert last night without binging (the urge was there but I didn't do it) and eating more sensibly in general. I may succeed this time because I no longer have the idiot idea of doing it to be skinny or attractive to anyone but myself. Skinny is too high maintenance, both physically and emotionally for me to maintain. Average is fine. Chunky is ok. Actually there's nothing wrong with being fat so long as it isn't life threatening. I think more than anything else it's just proof to myself that I can do it because I'm actually healthy enough. My thyroid gland doesn't like my weight loss attempt, however. I know this because now I have rough dry patches on my face which are a thyroid related symptom. Sweet.
Enough blah blah blah from me for now. I'm still reveling in the relief of being able to say what I want without wondering what sort of stupid or offensive comments I'll be receiving from Senor Sociopath.
