My Penis Is Bigger Than Yours!

And I don't even have one--what does that say about you??

My Gmail spam for the lilystears email address (yes, I do look at the Spam in case something I actually wanted got in there) is just full of missives from individuals worldwide who have apparently heard about the vast prowess of my penis.

Perhaps they were actually trying to contact Ann Coulter since she is a card-carrying member of the Strap-On Veterans Brigade and Dildo Of The Month Club. For those of you who are really warped, really daring, and like a really warped, daring and LONG humor piece, you can click here to read about Ann giving Arsewipe the Ghoul what was coming to him with one of her Strap-On of the Month selections. If this does not appeal to you, that's all right, but in the meantime, please try not to be too jealous of my vast throbbing manhood that casts a shadow bigger than a tree.

And now--my 100th post!

For my 100th post, I think a little fun with Spam is in order. Note the Spam email:

On Wed Dec 31 17:59 , 'Marilou Spaulding' sent:

Dear aloevera@searchbigdaddy.com

Many men are not satisfied with their cock size and try different enlargement pills, techniques and methods with no real success. Just don't give up, find the technique that suits you.

VPXL is a solution to your problem. This is a safe enlargement method which gives really great results. Don

And now note my snarktastic reply:

Hi Cupcake,
Being female I don't think I'm terribly worried about having my cock's needs satisfied and I certainly do not wish to enlarge my clitoris. Please take me off your mailing list promptly and stop cluttering my inbox. Thank-you!

aloevera is not even my email address. Now tell me that's not Spam!

Screwed!

I have only been driving my Escort during the day due to the license plate lights being burned out. Today I decided to get off my lazy ass and replace them. But lo and behold, the screws are rusted in and stripped. If I had a power drill, I could buy some of those Grabits and get them out of there. But I can't seem to justify spending $50 and probably more on a power drill and $30 on the Grabit to replace a $2 part when its cheaper to buy the lighted license plate frame.
Even though I will look like a wigger if I have one of these on my car, it really does seem to be the best option.

In other news, your blog may have been spammed by this message:

I hate to spam other people's blogs so I usually never do it. But I have been having zero luck getting participants for my first annual story contest. The topic is the horrors of fruitcake. (Which happened to be inspired by one of your posts.) Since anybody with even a modicum of talent should be able to beat the ridiculous example I wrote, y'all are missing out if you don't c'mon down and give it a shot! You will gain infamy, misfortune and disdain...oh wait. That's the last review for Death Cheese. I mean, you will gain fame, fortune and acclaim. That's right, click here and you too can join the ranks of the best! Or at least you can have fun and win priceless prizes.

Yeah, that was me. Sorry about the Spam. Spam sucks. But I really would like to get some entries besides me in my story contest!