The Cheesemeister Cosmos

I've been working on the official Cheesemeister site, the Cheesemeister Cosmos, for a couple of hours now. It's kind of like housework--I get done and it doesn't really look like I did a damn thing. But I have! The Labyrinth page has more working links, and I started working on a page to list places where people can promote their blogs. What the Jobkiller is doing for affiliate work and the Porn Baboon and Master Bates are doing for XXX, the Cheesemeister will now do for blogs! Either that or I'll just fart around and waste time. It's all good!
My son will arrive this evening to stay for a week. Hell, I couldn't clean the house too good--it might unsettle him too much to find things in such an unfamiliar condition! ;-)

To New Heights

It's off to Durango tomorrow to take the son to college. The ex-husband and I will stay till Sunday, then the now-adult child will begin his life as a semi-independent human being. (I say semi-independent because he isn't yet paying his own bills, but he will be co-ordinating his own life.) It's a good thing, it's a positive thing, he did damn good in school, he's grown up now, and I'm proud of him. But I will miss him like hell and am already manifesting all sorts of horrid physical issues because I'm actually more upset than I'll show on the surface.
If Michael decides he wants to eventually make a life in Durango, I know that I will someday move there too. Because when he has kids, I want to be there to help raise them. I'm not one of those fuddy duddies that thinks that "mommies have to stay home until their children are 35" or something like that, but kids are in day care way too much. Families tend to end up spread apart from each other. Even though unless I catch a lucky break I'll have to work till I'm 70, the one good thing a nursing license does is gives me some freedom as far as finding a job with hours that work, so I'll be able to help out. Why give a day care center the money to do what Grandma can do for free, after all?
I know it's a way in the future (I should hope at least until after he gets his bachelor's degree!) but it is a likely thing in the future, and if there's one thing I wish I'd learned earlier, it's PLAN AHEAD, DAMN IT!
As far as marriage goes, I hope my son gets it right the first time. Well, I never got married a second time, but I didn't get it right the first time. It's just that after a myriad of hideous boyfriends following the divorce, I finally said "fuck it!"
My ex and I got married too fast and for the wrong reasons. We were desperate to escape our controlling parents' influence, which we never really did, and their interference probably contributed to busting up our marriage, although he is quite capable of being a butthead all on his own. I, of course, am without fault.
All that aside, I'm a train wreck emotionally right now. I'm not showing it to my son, but I'm pretty well falling to pieces.
Parenthood--it ain't for sissies. You won't be any good at it if you don't give a shit about your kids, but if you do, it will give you gray hair and kill you with worry! Least that's how I see it, anyway.
Up, up, and away to new and greater things for my son.
I tell you, he was a little kid just yesterday...

Obama, Lincoln, McCain and my father

All right, I'll say it. I'm going to vote for Barack Obama. I like the guy. I think he's got a decent soul. And he seems like he wants to do the right things.
I also like this thing that he said regarding some of the more obnoxious pundits. (paraquote)
"When I see Sean Hannity or Ann Coulter on television, I find it difficult to take them seriously. And it makes me wonder why someone would choose to spend their precious evenings with such sourpusses."
I like John McCain as a person and I respect what he went through in Viet Nam. But I wouldn't vote for him. He seems like a family man. In some ways he reminds me of my father. I wouldn't vote for my father either if he was running for office.
My father is doing very poorly these days. He suffered another bad fall. I think he may have had another small stroke which caused the fall. He is having intense pain in the left thigh and can hardly walk. He also is unable to remember small details. He still knows who everyone is but can't recall things like the name of the town where I've lived for 7 years. Pretty much everyone's contention is it would be better off if he'd depart this earth. I can't quite make myself wish that. I do wish he could have a lucid moment before he does. That sounds strange but somehow it would make it better.

Update

I'm doing all right mood-wise. A wise person suggested that it sounds like a major part of my son's problem may simply be being a night owl in a world that caters to larks. His sleep patterns are much like mine would be if I were able to let them go on their own. Poor guy--it ain't easy.
Also there are the stresses of keeping his grades up in a school that while very caring and devoted to their students has a rigorous academic program. He does a great job--gets all A's and B's. He's something of a perfectionist and I think that the struggle he's having with physics bothers him. He was also very stressed out about the ACT. He doesn't even want to take the SAT because he hated the ACT so much. And of course there are concerns about college. I almost wish he could have another year at this school to kind of take it easy and just plan. He didn't get into this school until last year and it's been the best thing in the world for him.
At this point I'm concerned about my father. He had a stroke 3 years ago. Not only is he partially paralyzed on his right side, his inability to exercise or walk very far has contributed to his circulation in the lower body becoming impaired. Combine that with some atrial fibrillation and edema builds up in the legs. He has a bad wound on the right leg that just won't heal. This is the kind of thing that happens to diabetics because of their poor circulation. He's 71 but looks much older. My mother is angry because over the years he was too stubborn to take care of a lot of health needs and now she has to take care of everything for him. Fortunately at least he can still go to the bathroom and take care of business himself. That at least is a relief. His back and legs were bad before he had the stroke. He didn't want to get an MRI because of being stuck in that little tube and I don't blame him. They didn't tell him that he could be sedated, which is the only way you could get me into one of those things. I'm claustrophobic as hell.
My father also had to have this heinous procedure done to test whether the urologist thinks they can do a particular procedure to reduce the excess prostate tissue. I asked if the urologist was still alive. I won't go into details--it was barbaric.
I go to the doc once a year and get the general tests done as well as the test for my thyroid. Other than that I don't go unless I feel like I'm dying. But my mother was definitely right about my father being stubborn. He's really not in very good condition and his mental outlook is pretty bad. He's never accepted what happened and is very angry. I can understand, but in many ways he's also unrealistic. He thinks that if he hadn't had the stroke he'd magically have the health he did when he was 20. He's writing a book. I enjoy reading it but a lot of it seems to be a personal wish to go back in time. I may write more about this at some other point.
Thanks to everyone who expressed support when I was on the down-low. It is appreciated.