Speaks For Itself

News You Can't Use

This was lots of fun!

In it you will see earth-shattering things. The fact that our president elect bowls like me, for one. His high score was a 38. My all time high is a 42. You will not be seeing either of us at any bowling competitions anytime soon. Unless it's in the Big Losers Bowling League, for those whose bowling scores are consistently well below 100.

You will see Hillary Clinton whoopin' it up at Ugly Grace's, among other places. Hillary knows how to party!

You will see pigs, and Sarah Palin, wearing lipstick. The pig, however, was not wearing $150,000 (approximately 666,666,666 Quatloos) worth of clothes.

For the boys, you will get to see "Obama Girl" and Paris Hilton in very little clothing. Guess "Obama Girl" got dissed when Obama said that he wished she'd thought about his wife and daughters when she got undressed on his behalf. I reckon his wife could laugh it off, but it might be a little shocking for his daughters. At any rate, Mrs. Obama could always open a can of Whoop Ass if she was really taken aback.

And then there was the "terrorist fist bump" between the new First Couple. When even Pat Buchanan sees this as ridiculous, you know it must be pretty damn ridiculous.

People really are the silliest creatures. It's amazing we haven't managed to make ourselves exstinct yet.

Only One Thing To Say

All Hail to the Chief!!

Amendment 49

Whether or not you live in Colorado, you may enjoy/be informed by this little infomercial. I kind of like it.

A Very Important Political Commentary

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143 days experience--or Sarah Palin

I received this email. Read all the way to the bottom before going off on my ass.

143 DAYS . . .

Here is some measurable perspective to help folks decide where they want to go with their vote for the Presidency of the United States of America!

I personally like candidates to have a real history of service to our country that can be calculated and measured the good and the bad? We need a new direction that is for sure. We can do it? Kind of a silly slogan or cliche in my view. We have always done it and will continue to do it! We need leader ship that comes from calculated measurable experiences. Perhaps a leader with a real plan? Do your own research to look at both candidates an then make a prudent sound decision come election day for the next President and Vice President of the United States of America.

You couldn't get a job at McDonalds and become district manager after 143 days of experience.

You couldn't become chief of surgery after 143 days of experience of being a surgeon.

You couldn't get a job as a teacher and be the superintendent after 143 days of experience.

You couldn't join the military and become a colonel after a 143 days of experience.

You couldn't get a job as a reporter and become the nightly news anchor after 143 days of experience.

BUT....

'From the time Barack Obama was sworn in as a United States Senator, to the time he announced he was forming a Presidential exploratory committee, he logged 143 days of experience in the Senate. That's how many days the Senate was actually in session and working.. After 143 days of work experience, Obama believed he was ready to be Commander In Chief, Leader of the Free World .... 143 days.



We all have to start somewhere. The senate is a good start, but after 143 days, that's all it is - a start.

AND, strangely, a large sector of the American public is okay with this and campaigning for him. We wouldn't accept this in our own line of work, yet some are okay with this for the President of the United States of America? Come on folks, we are not voting for the next American Idol!

Now, here is what I replied:

Point taken, but at least he has two brain cells to rub together and seems rational. If something were happen to McCain, that doofus Sarah Palin would take over and the way she handles things scares the hell out of me. She's against a woman's right to choose, doesn't care about the environment, has wolves (including pups) hunted for a bounty, including aerial hunting, has officials fired simply because she doesn't like them, and beyond that, she strikes me as being just plain nuts.
McCain doesn't strike me as being a wacko, but he is a hawk and shows no signs of trying to wrap up the Iraq war or discontinue the spending of 10 billion dollars a month in Iraq. That money could be better used to improve conditions for poor families here.
L

BTW--Less than a week to vote for your favorite Netherworld Candidates, y'all! Go to the Side Bar. So far the Really Really Right Wing Reactionary Party is way ahead. I don't know if it's Nixon's charisma or what, but I sure hope it ain't a reflection of what's gonna happen in the real world!
The comforting thought is that the Sewer Party and the Cannibal Party remain voteless. I like the Handy Party and the Porn Party does have the charm of being blatantly honest, but personally I'm stumping for the Unspeakable Party because you just shouldn't settle for the lesser evil.

The Hub Gives Zero Votes of Confidence to Punkinhead Palin

Forget Resident Evil. The idea that THIS could end up as president given the right set of circumstances is truly horrible.

Facts are, Sarah Palin is an inept boob completely incapable of taking over leadership of this or any country. I feel like I'd be more able to run the country, and I am completely inexperienced. Hell, my insane, destructive dachshund which eats untreated wood would probably end up doing less damage than this moron if it were left in charge of things.

As far as Obama having little foreign policy experience, that's true, but at least he has two or more working brain cells that he can rub together, and he would have an adept and reasonably intelligent vice president in case the unthinkable were to happen.

It isn't in any way about Punkinhead Palin being a female. I voted for Mondale and Ferraro. It's about the fact that she's a complete chowderhead! The idea that she could end up in this country's position of ultimate power is terrifying. I would be running to Canada, begging them for political asylum, if that were to happen.

Mia the Wood Eating Dachshund: A Smarter Choice In Political Leadership

(disclaimer: this is not really Mia, it's a stand-in that looks a lot like her. Mia was busy eating wood, and it's almost impossible to get her to sit still for pictures.)

Shocking But True Department: Republican Party Offends Senior Citizens!

You just can't make things like this up! One of our residents, Mr. Demmy Kratt (ok, I did make his name up to avoid problems with HIPAA, since so many people read this blog) received an autographed picture of Duffer McCain and Punkinhead Palin in the mail. The message printed just below the picture was "Mr. Kratt: Thank you for your continued support of our party."

Mr. Kratt was understandably aghast, and yet terribly amused. A perfectly clear-headed senior citizen, he knows where his money goes, and he knows that he has never voluntarily contributed any money to the Republican party, let alone this particular cataclysmic duo. Thus he was scratching his rather level old head in bewilderment as to where they could have gotten the idea that he had taken part in supporting their madness. So he did the only thing he could do: got out a red pen and wrote in big beautiful (though somewhat shaky from arthritis acquired during his many years spent on the planet) block letters:

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING!!!!!

He then took his red pen and put red X's over the faces of the offending parties.

Although simple, Demmy's retort says it all.

Please keep the venerable Demmy Kratt in your hearts today. After all, he did suffer a terrible shock at the hands of the Republican party.

Ron's Redeeming Deed

It's 1985, and President Reagan is wondering where his ice cream is

I found the years that Ronald Reagan was in office to be quite scary, although I must say the political satire of the time was some of the best. Ronald Reagan had been in office four years when I first became eligible to vote and while I don't really remember that much about Walter Mondale, I remember thinking "I have to vote for him because if we don't get Reagan out of there we all may end up nuked to hell." I dreamed about getting nuked several times during the Reagan presidency. This had nothing to do with anything I might or might not have inhaled at the time--I swear it!

There was a joke circulating during Reagan's reign that went a little bit something like this:

2000 years ago Moses said "grab your shovel, load up your ass and mount your camel. We're going to find the promised land."

2000 years later, FDR said "lay down your shovel, light up your Camel and sit on your ass. This is the promised land."

With Reagan, he will take your shovel, sell your camel, kick you in the ass, and tell you that there is no promised land.

I also found a couple pages of quotes from Reagan. Here's the first and here's the second. A couple were actually amusing. Some made me realize that we had good reason to fear this man being in office.

I didn't know this at the time, but Reagan did one very good thing while he was in office. He made July national ice cream month and the third Sunday of July national ice cream day. I figure if I ever run for office I will create the Ice Cream Party, and the first thing I will do is to outlaw that crappy lowfat ice cream. What the hell is the sense of eating ice cream without the cream? The low fat stuff only uses higher amounts of high fructose corn syrup to enhance the flavor that is lost, which is not in any way healthy. My campaign motto will be "freedom from crappy ice cream!"

I found a whole article about ice cream, including Ron's redeeming deed, here.

A lobster with ice cream: an appealing bit of East Coast culture, or something far, far more sinister?

This was a very interesting and educational read, but it left me fearing. Not for the fact that Bush is in office. Not for the fact that McCain could be in office come next year. But for the fact that there is such a thing as lobster ice cream. Be afraid--be very afraid!

In all due sincerity, I've actually never had lobster ice cream. It's just weird enough that I might like it, and in my radioactive nightmares of the Reagan era, the lobsters being used would have had four claws, eighteen legs, glowing eyes, and gone around muttering "dod-a-chik" and "did-a-chum" like the malevolent crustaceans in Stephen King's Dark Tower books. I have had crab ice cream and I did like it. It just goes to show, you never know what's possible in a world where crab ice cream can taste good and Ronald Reagan actually did something that didn't threaten to leave us all nuked, homeless, or both.

Obama, Lincoln, McCain and my father

All right, I'll say it. I'm going to vote for Barack Obama. I like the guy. I think he's got a decent soul. And he seems like he wants to do the right things.
I also like this thing that he said regarding some of the more obnoxious pundits. (paraquote)
"When I see Sean Hannity or Ann Coulter on television, I find it difficult to take them seriously. And it makes me wonder why someone would choose to spend their precious evenings with such sourpusses."
I like John McCain as a person and I respect what he went through in Viet Nam. But I wouldn't vote for him. He seems like a family man. In some ways he reminds me of my father. I wouldn't vote for my father either if he was running for office.
My father is doing very poorly these days. He suffered another bad fall. I think he may have had another small stroke which caused the fall. He is having intense pain in the left thigh and can hardly walk. He also is unable to remember small details. He still knows who everyone is but can't recall things like the name of the town where I've lived for 7 years. Pretty much everyone's contention is it would be better off if he'd depart this earth. I can't quite make myself wish that. I do wish he could have a lucid moment before he does. That sounds strange but somehow it would make it better.

Of age and then some...but barely political

I know that on a personal level I like Barack Obama the best of all the candidates. He seems the most "human." I like the things I've read about him. But is it really best to vote for the person who seems the most likeable?
I couldn't put a finger on what put me off about Hillary Clinton until my son (who will be able to vote for the first time this year) said that what he disliked about her is that she's trying too much to act like a man in order to compete with the men. He said he didn't mean that she should behave like some sort of frilly froo froo and be subservient or anything like that, but it put him off that she seemed to always be trying to "show her balls" rather than being a competent woman who isn't ashamed to be a woman.
I don't dislike John McCain as a person, but he's "one of them" and as some folks have pointed out, he kinda shows signs of being a tad senile--or at least way behind the times and a little out of touch with reality. (Mitt Romney reminded me of the nice Mormon neighbors I had in my youth. Thus I found him likeable, but I wouldn't have voted for him.) Actually, as far as being "one of those," if a republican seemed to be the best candidate, I would vote for them, but I think it's been at least 18 years since that ever happened, and as I recall it was for a state representative and I don't even remember who. That's how long it's been.
During one election I gave a throwaway vote by voting for the green party. I don't remember which election that was either, but it must have been early on and I was probably stoned or something. Either that or I was stoned enough to really believe in that vote and think it would make a difference!
The one thing I know for sure is this--in the first election I was eligible to vote in, I very definitely voted against Reagan! But these days I kinda find myself acting like him more and more often. I enter a room and find myself saying "Well, ah...what the hell did I come in here for anyway??"

ain't it the truth?

A true (if distressing) sign o' the times.

Let's hope (if unrealistically) that more people will grow brains and a social consciense, and soon!

Luck and prosperty to us all in 2008.