This Week's Big Dump: News You Can't Use

I think the experience with what the barbecue pork did to my IBS inspired me to post this dreck. Either that or it's fun to laugh at. Probably a combinaton of the two.

Worthless Story #1
Found at MSN.com
Lindsay Lohan wishes she were Marilyn Monroe

Paris Hilton would wish she had a personality if she had enough brain cells to formulate a thought.

My comparably brilliant take on this worthless waste of bandwidth?

I hate to dis anyone, but...
As for Lindsay trying to emulate Marilyn Monroe?
I'm pretty sure Marilyn is rolling over in her grave.
As for Paris' outfit and behavior?
No surprise there.

Worthless Story #2:
The Flavor of Yuck
Ladies and gentlemen...
I have long loved the band Public Enemy's thought-provoking political messages. But I'm starting to wonder if Flavor Flav of Public Enemy has a really, really lowbrow, brainless twin whose behavior reflects horribly on this socially relevant band. Because THIS

has a moronic "reality" show on VH-1 where women actually compete for his affections by making utter (slutty) fools of themselves to inspire caveman musings from him on their worth--mostly based on their breasts and boo-tays. (Surprise.) These gals' behavior and mode of dress makes Paris look like a class act and a Rhodes scholar to boot.
Plus Flav, who is 49 years old is expecting his EIGHTH illegitimate child with something like woman #4. Apparently he engages in this utterly irresponsible behavior due to the fact that he wants 10 children. He might want more than that but he ran out of fingers to count on. WTF, Dude? Chuck D, Professor Griff and DJ Lord oughta take him out behind the studio and whup his monkey ass till it ain't no fun!
I got that line from the movie House Party, and it was also used in a Public Enemy song. I am NOT comparing black people to monkeys. I am, however, comparing Flav to a dog that needs to be fixed 'cause that's what he's behaving like!

Click here to watch a great Public Enemy video and see why I love them, and also read about the despicable way that Flav treated one of the few nice gals that was fool enough to come on his dumb show. She's better off that he cut her loose, though, because she's way too good for him. Click here to read how he treated the winner of the last installment of his show. She's too good for him too. Both of these women are lucky he dissed them, because otherwise they might have become incubators for Flav Spawn #9...

Ewwwwwww!

Suddenly the Proteus computer from that dorky 70's flick The Demon Seed sounds pretty damn enticing by compare.

And now if you'll all excuse me, it's back to the necessary room. Before it becomes necessary for me to raid the Gerri Atrik Retirement Community's emergency supply closet for a Depends.